Salem Got The Wrong Defendant
Halloween: the only night of the year when the neighbor who never says hello knocks on your door, and instead of calling the cops you hand him candy. For the occasion you need a pumpkin that rises to it, and the real one has a huge flaw: you gut it like an autopsy, carve it with a bread knife, and after three days it’s an organic work of art your fridge begs you to throw out.
This one is a witch pumpkin, and it already passed the entrance exam. A pointed hat with a wide brim and a buckle, because even witches know the accessory makes the look. Curly tendrils poking out from underneath like the hair of someone who lost a fight with a hair dryer. One eye wide open, the other winking at you like it knows where you hid the treats. And a nose so long Cyrano de Bergerac would sue for damages. The crooked smile with a single tooth does the rest: it looks like your mother in law before her coffee, except this one doesn’t comment on how you raise your kids.
In Salem in 1692 a black cat and a bad attitude were enough to end up on trial. With a pumpkin like this in your living room, the jury would have convicted the living room too.
Of course it’s a lamp. Underneath there’s a 5cm slot for a standard led light: pop it in, switch it on, and a warm glow pours out of the eyes and mouth, turning your shelf into the lab of a witch with vision problems.
It doesn’t fly and it doesn’t need a parking spot for the broom. A single printed piece: zero assembly.
Halloween happens once a year. A witch that doesn’t ask for rent, on the other hand, is forever.
Want the fully painted version instead? That one is Patreon exclusive, right here: https://www.patreon.com/AndyPaperThings/posts/salem-got-wrong-172083235
